Scarred
by FadingSlowly
Summary: COMPLETE No matter who tried to dry his tears, quell his fears, make the pain disappear . . . no matter who tried to kiss the hurt away, in the end, he would always be left with the scars. RLOC
1. One

Scarred  
  
Summary: No matter who tried to dry his tears, quell his fears, make the pain disappear . . . no matter who tried to kiss the hurt away, in the end, he would always be left with the scars. (RL/OC)  
  
A/N: It's something different. Just read it. Please.  
  
Disclaimer: It belongs to J.K. Rowling and the readers' who already shaped Harry's world in their minds before it was put on film.  
  
---  
  
One  
  
My name is Remus Lupin. I'm thirteen, I'm a wizard, and . . . I'm a werewolf. But please don't let that bother you. I have friends. Three of them: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew who have all accepted me for who I am. I thought they wouldn't like me anymore if they found out about my condition, but they didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, they thought it was neat. And for the first time, I started to see my condition differently.  
  
But this isn't about that. This is about a girl. In the past, Sirius, James, Peter and I all just viewed girls as objects to play pranks on. Well, they did. I was always a bit afraid of girls, myself, even though I never admitted that to Sirius and James. Girls and I just seemed to stay away from each other.  
  
Until this year.  
  
I was running down a corridor on my way to class. I was going to be late because I had forgotten my transfiguration book, and I had to go back for it. I had told James, Sirius, and Peter to go on without me, knowing that if they were late one more time, they would receive detention. Sirius didn't seem to mind very much, but James dragged him along with Peter cheerfully in tow.  
  
My robes are always two or three sizes too big. My mother does this on purpose. She says, this way, I can grow into them. Any day now, she says, I will hit a growth spurt, and those robes will fit me perfectly. That was two years ago. Sirius and James have already gotten their growth spurts, and even Peter is inching his way up. Their voices have gotten all funny, too.  
  
I, however, don't seem to be getting any taller at all. Whenever I try to explain this to my mother, she tactfully changes the subject. But that's not the point. The point is that my robes are still too big.  
  
So, when I was running down that corridor, trying not to be late to class, I tripped (as people with too big robes often do), skidded across the floor, and went sliding under a huge statue into a hole.  
  
"Ouch!" a voice said from under me. "Get off!"  
  
I stood up, beginning to feel slightly scared. It was dark all around me – or, us, I guess – and I had no idea where I was. "What-What is this?" I asked, hesitantly. There was complete silence, then –  
  
"A secret passage. Duh," a voice snapped. "I can't see a thing . . ."  
  
I fumbled for my wand in the dark. "Lumos!" I said, successfully lighting the tip. As the person came into view, I suddenly froze. It was a girl.  
  
"I would've done that," she said, scowling, "but I dropped my wand in the dark."  
  
For a moment, I just stared at her, taking in her appearance. Her hair was dirty blonde, and her eyes were a pale green. Her nose was very, very small, and her lips were sort of big, but everything seemed to fit into her face perfectly, nonetheless. In fact, she was kind of pretty in a way . . . I could feel my face flushing. Since when did I think girls were pretty?  
  
"Hello?" she said, glaring at me.  
  
My blush grew worse. "Oh, I-I'm sorry," I stammered.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. I must've asked you, like, three times already. How did you get in here? Because I came from that way, and I think someone blocked the entrance afterwards." She turned red after she said that last part.  
  
"Why would someone block the entrance?" I asked, curiously, my embarrassment forgotten for a moment.  
  
"Don't ask me!" she snapped. "You fell on top of me, didn't you? Does that mean the entrance is up there?" She was trying to change the subject, and I figured that probably meant that she didn't want to talk about it, so I left it alone.  
  
"I guess," I said, uncertainly, glancing upwards. There was no light coming from up there. I shined the light from my wand on the floor, remembering that she had said she dropped her wand. "I don't see your wand," I told her.  
  
"I'll look for it later," she said, hastily. "Hey, do you think you could lift me up? Maybe there's a latch or something . . ."  
  
I swallowed. Lift her up? I wasn't sure if I could . . . Well, I knew I could because of my werewolf strength and everything, but I wasn't always in perfect control of it. What if I dropped her, or something? Or worse, what if I lifted her up too easily, and she started to suspect something?  
  
"Okay," I said, tentatively.  
  
"Put your hands together, like this," she showed me how, touching my hands in the process. I shivered. Either her hands were cold, or I had just gotten very, very warm for some reason.  
  
I handed her my wand and clasped my hands together like she had shown me. I leaned down so she could step into them. Merlin! She was wearing a skirt. I started to blush harder than ever, hoping, praying that she wouldn't notice. She didn't.  
  
"Hey, lift me up! What are you waiting for?" she asked, impatiently.  
  
I took a deep breath, and started to lift her slowly, as slowly as I thought was possible. She grabbed onto my shoulders to steady herself, and I almost dropped her from the surprise. Her hands dug into my shoulders.  
  
"Jeez, you're bony," she muttered. I don't think she expected me to be able to hear that, but of course, I could, my hearing being better than the average person's. And I blushed again.  
  
Finally, finally, she was up there, her feet on my shoulders. I willed myself not to look up, telling myself that it was a perverted thing to do. No matter how much I wanted to. And for some reason, I really, really wanted to.  
  
"There's a small space up here to crawl through. Honestly, you'd think they'd have a ladder, or something," she complained. I shut my eyes. Merlin! What was the matter with me?  
  
"Lift me up higher," she said from above me. Without thinking, I looked up and froze again. She was wearing light purple underwear. My heart started hammering, telling me that what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't help it. It was like my eyes had been glued to her rear end with a long strand of invisible spell-o-tape, or something.  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief as she started to climb through the hole. "Accio, skinny boy!" I heard a second later, and I had no time to feel insulted before I was flying upwards toward her. I grabbed onto her other hand, and she dropped my wand behind her to pull me up.  
  
"It's pretty sad," she said, once we were out of that hole, and before I had time to say thank you.  
  
"What is?" I asked, avoiding her eyes. What if she realized what I had been doing?  
  
"The fact that I can lift you up so easily and you took forever trying to lift me, when we're roughly the same size," she said, matter of factly.  
  
I turned crimson, partly with embarrassment, and partly with anger. If she knew how strong I really was . . . No Remus, I told myself. No.  
  
"Maybe you're just more manly than I am," I said, smiling at my comeback.  
  
"Maybe you're just an undeveloped shrimp," she snapped, her eyes shooting out angry sparks.  
  
I glared at her, surprised. For someone so pretty, she sure wasn't very nice. "You don't have to be so rude," I said. "I was just joking."  
  
She stared at me for a moment. Then, she shook her head. "Whatever, shrimp," she muttered, starting to walk away.  
  
"Remus," I called after her. "It's Remus Lupin."  
  
---  
  
For two weeks after that encounter, I couldn't get that girl out of my head. Her face with her too-big-lips, and her fairy-sized nose seemed to be imprinted behind my eyelids. I started to look for her casually in the Great Hall during mealtimes. She had to have been in the same year as me, but we had no classes together. I didn't even know what House she was in.  
  
"Remus? Remus!" Someone pinched me hard, and I snatched my arm away.  
  
I looked up. Sirius was across from me, grinning. "Daydreaming again?" he asked, batting his eyelashes.  
  
I blushed. "So you noticed then?" I said.  
  
James laughed. "Well, when you put your elbow in the middle of your soup, we kind of figured it out."  
  
I looked down, and pulled my elbow out of my dinner, hoping fervently that no one was paying attention. I looked around as I dabbed my elbow with a napkin. Anyone who was looking at our table was either looking at James or Sirius. I sighed. That mystery girl was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"So, what's on your mind?" Sirius asked. "Is it a girl? It's a girl, isn't it!"  
  
I felt my face getting hot. Was I really that obvious?  
  
"Oh, no, Sirius," James said, widening his eyes. "It can't be. Widdle Remus is afraid of girls, remember?"  
  
"I am not!" I said, indignantly.  
  
"So, I'm right?" Sirius asked, eagerly. "I knew it! What's her name?"  
  
I felt myself getting hotter. "I-I don't know," I stammered. "She never told me."  
  
"Do you know what House she's in? What does she look like?" James demanded.  
  
"She's um . . . I don't know," I said, feeling a tad overwhelmed.  
  
"Is she taller than you?" Peter squeaked to my right.  
  
"No," I answered, a bit confused. "Why?"  
  
Peter turned red. "No reason," he mumbled, busying himself with his food.  
  
I saw Sirius and James exchange an amused glance, and I frowned. Even though I counted Peter as one of the group, the other two boys teased him an awful lot. I suppose it was because he tended to be a bit slow sometimes.  
  
"She's blonde, sort of," I said, trying to distract them. Immediately, they turned to me and started to pay attention. "Well, it's more of a dirty blonde."  
  
"How did you meet her?" James interrupted.  
  
"Does she have a nice body?" Sirius jumped in.  
  
I blushed again, not really wanting to answer either of those questions. "Dunno," I mumbled.  
  
James and Sirius both let out frustrated sighs. "Remmie, how are we going to find her for you if you don't know anything about her? There has to be at least a million dirty blondes in this school," Sirius complained. "And you don't know her name or anything?"  
  
I shrugged, suddenly wishing we were discussing a different topic. They seemed to sense that I didn't want to talk about her anymore because after giving me a long-suffering look, James changed the conversation to Quidditch. He was planning to try out for seeker this year, having failed last year.  
  
I stood up, not feeling very hungry any more. "I'm heading back to the common room," I said, half-heartedly.  
  
"See you," James said, without looking up, and Sirius just nodded. I smiled. Nothing could distract them from Quidditch.  
  
I left out of the Great Hall, and headed in the direction of Gryffindor tower, not really paying attention to my surroundings. My head was so full of that mystery girl that I forgot to hold up the front of my too-big-robe as I usually did, so once again, I went sprawling across the floor, my wand flying out of my pocket and landing a few feet away from me.  
  
"Figures the next time I'd see you, you'd be on the floor," an amused sounding voice said from behind me.  
  
I jumped to my feet, managing not to trip this time, and turned on the spot, feeling my heartbeat quicken. The blonde girl! "H-Hi," I said, mouth suddenly dry.  
  
She rolled her eyes as I struggled to untangle my twisted robes. I pulled my sleeves back, and extended my hand to her. She stared for a second, then looked up at me.  
  
"What's that for?" she asked, rudely.  
  
"We didn't have a chance to meet properly before," I said, suddenly feeling rather silly. "I'm . . . My n-name is Remus Lupin."  
  
"I know that," she said, raising an eyebrow. "You shouted it at me when I was leaving last time, remember?"  
  
My face colored. "Oh, r-right." I stood there awkwardly for a moment. "So, um, what's your name then?"  
  
"Enna. Short for Julienna. Call me that and die," she said, bluntly.  
  
I blinked, not sure if she was joking or not. She certainly looked serious.  
  
"Lupin. You're a third year, right?" she suddenly asked when I didn't say anything. I nodded. "Gryffindor?" I nodded again, wondering how she knew.  
  
"Are you a third year, too?" I asked, hesitantly.  
  
"No," she said, looking slightly taken-aback at the idea. "Do I look that young?"  
  
I was surprised, but I knew that, "Yes, you do look that young," would probably have been a stupid thing to say, so I didn't say anything.  
  
"I'm a fourth year," she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief.  
  
"Oh," I said, trying to hide my disappointment. She was older than me. No wonder we had no classes together.  
  
"Ravenclaw," she added.  
  
My eyes widened at this. "Really?" I asked.  
  
"Yes, really," she said, growing irritated. "Do I not look smart enough to you, or something?"  
  
I blushed. Again. "That's not. . . that wasn't what I meant," I said, not wanting to make her angry.  
  
"Sure, it wasn't," she retorted.  
  
I bristled, starting to get angry. Why exactly was she talking to me, anyway? Just when I was about to snap at her, or lash out, or do something – anything – I heard voices calling my name from behind me. James and Sirius.  
  
"Hey, Remmie!" Sirius said, clapping me on the back. I almost fell over again from the unexpectedness of it. He gestured towards Enna. "You gonna introduce me to your . . ." - I watched, my face heating up with jealousy as Sirius's eyes roamed over Enna's body. - ". . . friend?" he finished.  
  
James dangled my wand in front of my face. "Here, you go, Remus!"  
  
I snatched my wand, scowling at Sirius.  
  
"Who are you?" Enna asked, staring at Sirius. Another wave of jealousy ran through me as I watched Sirius smile at her. He was smiling that smile that I recognized as his lady charmer smile.  
  
"Hey, Remus, is this your mystery girl?" James asked, nudging me, none too discreetly. Humiliation was all over my face I was sure.  
  
"Sirius Black. And you would be?" Sirius said, still grinning stupidly at Enna. I glared at him, but he didn't notice. He was too busy making eyes at Enna.  
  
"Julienna," she answered, unsmilingly.  
  
"Well, Julienna, this is my friend, James Potter," Sirius said, gesturing towards James. Enna and James sort of nodded at each other. "And you already know Remmie," he added.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Enna said, giving me a wink. I instantly turned red again. "Me and . . . Remmie . . . are old friends."  
  
Sirius gave me a quick look that I recognized as envy, and for a moment I felt like gloating, until he turned back to Enna and gave her another award- winning smile. "Well, Julienna, I hope I'll be seeing a lot more of you."  
  
I was the only one who saw Enna roll her eyes to that obvious sexual implied statement.  
  
"Come on, guys," Sirius said, smirking and beckoning us to follow him. James followed, and I, glowering, followed after him.  
  
---  
  
"Sirius and Julienna. Julienna and Sirius. Sirius and Julienna. Hey, Remmie, which do you think sounds better?" Sirius asked me, later that night in our dormitory.  
  
I purposely didn't answer, but instead climbed into the bed. Peter was asleep already. He had come up to the dormitory after we had and collapsed on the bed, mumbling something about being full, and James was in the showers.  
  
"Hey, Remmie!" Sirius said.  
  
I could feel his eyes on me, but I still didn't answer. I pulled the covers up to my chin, and closed my own eyes, hoping he would get the message and leave me alone.  
  
A few seconds went by where he didn't say anything, then suddenly, "HEY, REMMIE!!!" he shouted in my ear.  
  
"AHHHHH!" I jumped up and grabbed at my super sensitive ears. The ringing in them was intense. I glared at him. "Why did you do that!?" I exclaimed.  
  
"You weren't listening," Sirius said, looking a bit surprised.  
  
"You didn't have to yell in my bloody ears, stupid!" I yelled. Then I froze. I had never called Sirius, or any of my friends, any names before. Ever.  
  
Sirius didn't say anything for a while. Then, finally he said, "Remmie, what's wrong?"  
  
"Don't call me that," I said, avoiding the question. "My name is Remus, not Remmie."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine. Remus. What's wrong? What's the matter?"  
  
"I'm not telling you," I said, feeling like a child, all of a sudden. "Why don't you find out for yourself?"  
  
"Are you mad at me?" Sirius asked, genuinely confused. "Remmie, what did I do?" I didn't answer, just crawled back into the bed, and pulled the covers over my head.  
  
I heard Sirius coming over to my bed, and I wished I had remembered to close the curtains. He yanked my covers down and stared down at me. I turned over. "Remmie, what did I do?" he repeated.  
  
"Oh, nothing," I said, sarcastically. "You just made me look like an idiot today, is all."  
  
"When?" Sirius asked.  
  
I shook my head. "Leave me alone, Sirius," I muttered.  
  
"But, Remmie – "  
  
"I said, leave me alone!" I growled.  
  
He didn't say anything. And after a moment, I heard him walk back across the room to his own bed. "Fine," he said, his voice low. "Goodnight, then." I didn't answer.  
  
Needless to say, the tension in the room was pretty thick until I fell asleep.  
  
---  
  
"Do you think Julienna will want to have breakfast with me, today?" Sirius asked the following day. He was making faces at himself in the mirror.  
  
James laughed, walking over to him. "It's Saturday, Sirius," he pointed out. "And it's a little late for breakfast, don't you think?"  
  
Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Lunch, then."  
  
James shrugged. "I don't know. And besides, isn't Julienna Remus's mystery girl?"  
  
Sirius sucked in a breath. "She is? Are you sure? Remmie, is she your mystery girl?"  
  
I gave him a cold stare, confirming the answer.  
  
Sirius groaned. "Remmie! Why didn't you tell me? Hey! Is this why you were mad at me last night?" I gave him another cold stare. Sirius walked over and proceeded to shake my shoulders when I didn't answer.  
  
I jerked back, stiffly. "Don't touch me," I said, my voice like ice.  
  
Sirius was unruffled by my bitter demeanor. "Remmie, we were just flirting! It wasn't anything serious. I didn't even know that you knew her. When I asked you to introduce me to your friend, I was joking!"  
  
I shrugged, still not looking at him.  
  
"Remmie, say the word, and I won't touch her, okay?" Sirius said.  
  
That was my chance right there. That was my moment, my opportunity. I could've said, "Don't touch her," and I knew Sirius wouldn't. But that would have meant admitting that I liked her when I wasn't even sure, yet. And I knew that if I said not to touch her, the guys would never let me live it down.  
  
James was watching me closely. Even Peter had woken up to see what was going on. And Sirius . . . He was hoping I would give him the go-ahead.  
  
I took a deep breath. "I – I don't care," I said, regretting the words, even as I said them. "Date her if you want."  
  
After all, if she decided that she liked Sirius more than me, than there was nothing I could do about it, anyways.  
  
---  
  
A/N: In the books, J.K. never mentioned whether the summoning charm works on people, so I'm going to say it does in this story. And so does the levitation charm, "Wingardium Leviosa." 


	2. Two

Scarred

A/N: Hey, thanks for reading, guys. This fic is really important to me, since I wrote it around a dark time period in my life . . . So, it's kinda important to know what you all think about it, and to find how if my writing is affected any if I'm in a dark mood.

Quiteona: Thank you. I'm glad you like it. Here's the next chapter.

gab3: Heehee, I'm happy you think so.

patty: I know. I did say it would be something Different. Happy you like it.

anniePADFOOT: Thank you. Happy you read it, anyway.

Titou: Yeah, it's so stereotypical. Always a sweet, nice, pretty girl who likes Remus, and Remus likes her, but neither of them know it . . . Haha. This fic is going to be way different. Remus is so cute as a kid, though. Not sure if I'm ready for him to grow up, yet. lol.

sunni07: Thank you. Remus is one my fav characters as well, so I'm glad you can relate to it that way. Here's more for you.

Jessica: No, it's not a one-shot, but it's a short story, so maybe that's why it came across that way. It's only going to be four chapters long, and my longer stories are like, fifteen chapters. And thanks. I'm glad you like my writing. Makes me happy. Heehee. And don't be sad for Remmie. Things will get better for him, soon.

Sallymander: Thank you. I'm glad you like. Here's more.

Emma Lupin: I'm glad you like it, however, I already have all of that planned out. You'll like what's to come. Trust me.

Disclaimer: It belongs to J.K. Rowling and the readers' who already shaped Harry's world in their minds before it was put on film.

---

James was watching me closely. Even Peter had woken up to see what was going on. And Sirius . . . He was hoping I would give him the go-ahead.

I took a deep breath. "I – I don't care," I said, regretting the words, even as I said them. "Date her if you want."

After all, if she decided that she liked Sirius more than me, than there was nothing I could do about it, anyways.

---

Two

The very same day, Sirius marched over to the Ravenclaw table and asked for Enna. Well, he asked for Julienna because I was the only one who called her Enna. Come to think of it, why was I the only one who called her Enna? She told me that if I called her Julienna, I would die.

This sparked some small hope in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, she wanted me to be the only one who called her Enna. Maybe she did like me better than Sirius, after all.

I watched as Sirius failed to locate her and came slumping back over to our table. "What's the matter?" I asked, trying not to sound too gleeful.

I must've failed because Sirius threw a dark look my way. "She's not there," he said, gloomily. His face expression matched the rain falling from the enchanted ceiling. Inside, I did a happy little cheer.

That must've shown on my face as well because Peter gave a weird look and asked, "Why are you so happy?"

Sirius was looking at me suspiciously, so I stood up, and smiled at him. "I'm . . . going to the library," I lied, knowing he would be peeved if I told him the real reason. "I, uh, I just remembered Madam Pince said that someone had returned this book that I really wanted to read and . . ." I trailed off. Sirius was looking bored, and James wasn't even paying attention. So I just smiled at Peter mysteriously, then left after giving him a small wave.

"You're happy," a gloomy voice said.

My heart started to beat furiously. I turned to face Enna watching me. "Hi . . . Enna," I said, tasting her name on my tongue for the first time. Well, the first time with her around. I had recited it to myself in order to fall asleep last night, but she didn't have to know that.

"You're not on the floor this time," she said, unsmilingly.

"You sound disappointed," I said, narrowing my eyes.

She just looked at me for a second, and then frowned. "Where's your jumper, Remmie?"

Immediately, I started to scowl. "My name isn't Remmie!" I said, still scowling.

"Your friend called you Remmie," she pointed out.

I glared, wordlessly. She was talking about Sirius. "So?" I said.

"So, why can't I?" she said, crossing her arms. "You called me Enna."

"You told me to! And Remmie isn't a pet name," I said, starting to get frustrated.

"Neither is Enna," she said, leaning against the wall. She appeared to be enjoying my frustration.

I sighed. "Why can't you just call me Remus? And I call you Julienna?" I asked.

Her eyes flashed with anger. "Because I don't like Julienna! I don't like hearing you say it."

I stepped back, a bit shocked. "Well, I don't like hearing you say Remmie," I said, angrily.

"Alright, then," she said. "I'll just call you, Shrimp."

I glared at her. "I prefer Remmie."

"I thought you would," she replied. "Now, Remmie, come with me."

"Where?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Away," she said, simply.

Sighing again, I followed her. I barely knew this girl, and already, I was under her spell.

---

She led me to the front doors of the school, and pushed open the door. Then, she stepped out. "Come on, Remmie!" she said.

I looked at her, and then looked outside, towards the sky. "It's raining," I said, pointlessly.

She rolled her eyes. "Duh," she said. "Come on, live a little."

I hesitated, glancing back upwards toward the sky. Then I said something completely off topic. "Why won't you let me call you Julienna?" I asked her.

She stared at the sky for a moment. Then she turned back towards me. "Come outside," she said, running down the front steps of the school, and out into the rain.

I just watched her. The sky was dark with the promise of a thunderstorm, and she was standing there, watching me through the door. She was crazy. She was going to get herself killed. I shivered as I saw lightning fill up the sky. Not two seconds later, a huge thunderclap vibrated the ground.

I motioned for her to come in, but she shook her head, and as I watched, she started to spin around in the rain.

I was breathing heavier now, and the rain was falling harder. Unless I did something, she was going to get herself killed. So taking a deep breath, I ran out after her.

The rain was like ice, and it was all I could do to keep myself from screaming as it made contact with my body. I didn't have a jumper on, just my shirt. Neither did she, but it didn't seem to bother her at all, the crazy fool.

"We're going to get struck by lightning!" I yelled over the thunder. I was soaked from head to toe, and that's when I noticed that her white shirt was now see-through.

She said something, and grabbed my hands, but I didn't hear her. Suddenly, we started to spin. The world went sailing dizzily by, again and again . . . Luckily I didn't eat much for lunch.

My eyes went down to her shirt, well, her chest area, and I found myself blushing. I was wondering whether she had on a bra or not, and my heart was pounding so loudly that I couldn't hear her words when she shouted something to me.

She suddenly let go of my hands, and I looked up to see what was wrong with her. But I don't remember ever seeing her face because at that moment, something white hot raced through my body. And I screamed.

---

". . . know better! Out in a lightning storm! Just plain silly is what it is!"

The first I noticed was that I had a terrible headache. I could barely lift my head, the pounding was so horrible. I opened my eyes to see James, Sirius, and Peter hovering over me. I tried to smile, and winced.

"Don't touch him! You could get shocked!" Madam Pomfrey said from somewhere nearby.

"He's awake," Peter said to her. To me, he said, "Don't touch us, Remus. We could get shocked."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I think he knows, mate."

"How was it, Remus?" James asked in awe.

"Yeah! Did you feel the lightning go through you?" Sirius asked.

"Did you feel it come out?" Peter asked.

Before I could answer their questions, Madam Pomfrey stuffed a huge piece of chocolate in my mouth, and held my nose pinched shut, so that I had to chew and swallow. That fuzzy warm feeling ran through my body, and immediately Sirius, James, and Peter began to ask their questions all over again.

I, however, had a question of my own to ask. "Madam Pomfrey? How did I get here?"

The nurse shook her head. "Some girl. She said that she would have levitated you, but neither of you had your wands. I've never seen her before, myself."

"Girl? What girl?" Sirius asked, his eyes lighting up. I blushed, avoiding his gaze, and knowing it would do no good to lie to him.

"Enna," I said, quietly.

Sirius stared at me, surprise written all over his face. "Julienna?" he asked, his voice slightly higher than it should have been. I nodded, and his face immediately turned stony.

He turned away from me, and started towards the door. "Where you going?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. He turned towards me. "Where is he going?" I shrugged.

Peter looked from Sirius to James, and back to Sirius again. "Sirius . . . er . . . want company?"

"Bugger off," Sirius snapped, as he went out the door.

James turned towards me. "I thought you didn't want Enna."

I shrugged again, and watched as James and Peter started to follow after Sirius. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I wanted, exactly.

---

I didn't see Enna for about three weeks after that. And believe me, I definitely looked for her. I left meals early to see if she would be outside the Great Hall. She wasn't. And she certainly was never at a meal, herself. I began to wonder if she ever ate. I even considered looking for that secret passage I where we had first met.

If Sirius had seen her, he wasn't saying anything. In fact, he had started to date someone else, already, and he seemed to have forgiven me. He even offered to help me look for Enna. But I declined, and soon, I gave up, completely. If Enna wanted to find me . . . well . . . she had never had a problem before.

I had to admit, though, I was extremely disappointed.

I sat up in the dorm one night thinking about her as I usually did, and wondering if I had done something wrong when James came over to my bed and asked if I wanted to go down to the kitchens for a midnight snack.

Sirius was sleeping, and James must've been desperate because he knew that I would normally frown at the thought of anyone sneaking down to the kitchens in the middle of the night. However, sleep and I weren't finding each other, and I was feeling particularly adventurous, so somewhat surprising him, I said yes.

We huddled together under James's invisibility cloak, and (remembering to close the portrait hole behind us) we set out for the kitchens moving slowly, so the cloak wouldn't suddenly slip off.

Finally, we reached the portrait of fruit, and James reached up to tickle the pear. We took off the cloak as the portrait swung open, and quickly hurried inside. Once in, we grinned at each other like the pair of sleepy idiots that we were, and then walked up to the house elves, planning to ask them for some snack food.

Problem was, there was already someone there.

I gasped. "Enna!?"

She turned and her eyes widened. She had something up to her mouth and was preparing to take another bite. She looked almost funny standing there with her mouth open and the food – looked like a roll – in her hand halfway to her mouth.

"Remmie," she said, uncomfortably. The hand holding the roll dropped to her side. "What are you doing here?"

I stared at her, disbelievingly. I was shocked by lightning. Actual lightning! And the only thing she can say is, "What are you doing here?" I blinked. Did she just not care at all?

"So you do eat," James said, grinning. "Well, there you go, Remus, your problem is solved." Having humiliated me, he stepped off into the crowd of eager house elves waiting to please him.

"What?" she snapped, realizing that I was still staring at her.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I swallowed.

She scowled. "I'm not avoiding you."

"Oh," I said, softly, not knowing what else to say. "Well . . . I haven't seen you in awhile."

"I haven't been around," she said, shrugging.

"Oh," I repeated, beginning to feel stupid.

"Didn't you come down here to eat?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.

I nodded, suddenly not trusting my voice.

"Then, go eat," she said, simply.

That did it. Those three words made the tears that I was holding back start to fall. I stared at the floor, shivering, and watching the liquid splash on the tile. She was acting like . . . like she didn't care . . . or anything. When I . . . I had been the one who was trying to save her. I hadn't wanted her to get shocked. I had wanted to save her.

"Remmie, what's wrong?" she asked softly, just as Sirius had asked.

I stared up at her, my tears clouding my vision. She really didn't know. "Are you mad at me?" I whispered, knowing my voice would crack if I said it any louder. "What did I do?"

She appeared stunned. Then, without warning, she walked over to me, and wrapped her arms around me. I froze, then I started to shake uncontrollably. And she held me. She stayed there and held me until I stopped crying.

"Nothing, Remmie," she whispered in my ear. "You did nothing. I just . . . I don't connect to humanity very well, that's all."

After a while, I pulled out of her embrace, beginning to get embarrassed. We really were the same size, and this could be confused with a lover's embrace.

"Don't cry anymore," she said, quietly. Slowly, she reached out and touched my cheek, gathering a tear on her finger. She held it up to her face. "These are useless," she said, a serious expression on her face. She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, and as I watched she licked my tear off of her finger.

"See?" she said, grimacing. "They don't even taste good."

---

She had promised to visit me the following day, so of course, I was on edge from the moment I woke up in the moment. It didn't help that it was a school day. And it also didn't help that I was due to transform that Thursday, and I already felt a bit weak, seeing as it was Monday. Usually I'd be in the hospital wing, but I didn't want Enna to look for me, and not find me. Or worse: to go looking for me, and find me all pale and shaking in the hospital wing. I shuddered. That would be a lot worse.

"Remmie, you okay?" Sirius asked as I sat in History of Magic. We had it first thing in the morning, and a lot of kids were happy with this arrangement. It meant they got to sleep for an extra hour.

I winced as small nips of pain picked at my body. "I'm fine," I said, grimacing.

James gave an equal look of concern. "You sure you're okay, Remus?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled. It was nice sometimes. These guys saw me as their little brother because they were so much bigger than me, and I happened to be the youngest. I was even younger than Peter by two months. Yes, sometimes it was nice knowing that I had friends who would stick up for me no matter what. And sometimes it was just annoying.

"You should go to Madam Pomfrey, Remus," James said as soon as class was over.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't want to."

"But Remmie – "

"No!" I interrupted. I watched as Sirius and James exchanged a look.

"Why not?" Peter asked, giving me a curious glance.

I blushed. "I just don't want to," I insisted, stubbornly.

Sirius glared at me. "I don't care what you want," he said, coldly. "You need to go, so you are going. James?"

"Wingardium Leviosa!" James said, pointing his wand at me.

I felt myself lifting off the ground and I started to get really angry. "Let me down!" I yelled. "Let me down, James!"

"NO, Remus!" James said. He could be just as stubborn as me. He gave a little flick of his wand, and I started to float down the corridor. Students on their way to class were pointing and laughing at me. My face was burning with shame. I had never been so angry.

As soon as he let me down in front of the hospital wing, I took off heading for the opposite direction, but Sirius was ready. He grabbed me. However, Sirius didn't expect me to use my strength on him. I twisted in his grasp, and hit him in the stomach. He doubled over.

"ACCIO, REMUS!" James bellowed, and suddenly I was flying in the air towards him.

"WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON OUT HERE?" Madam Pomfrey shrieked.

There was a loud, "oof," from James as I crashed into him, and I heard Sirius and Peter explaining the situation to Madam Pomfrey. I closed my eyes, knowing I was about to get it.

"Mister Lupin! You should know better!" Madam Pomfrey said, angrily. "Get into a bed, right now!"

I was livid. Deep down, I knew my attitude problem had something to do with the werewolf part of me, but my mind wasn't very clear right now. All I could think about was how disappointed Enna was going to be.

---

I stayed in the hospital wing for two days, until the night of my transformation, drifting in and out of sleep. I had nothing else to do, and Madam Pomfrey kept telling me to rest up, so I really could do was sleep. I welcomed sleep, too, because almost every time I went to sleep, I would dream of her.

At first the dreams were innocent. If you count kisses as innocent. In my dreams, Enna would kiss me a lot. They were just normal kisses, like on the cheek, then on the forehead, and I would wake up blushing. But, gradually, the dreams started to change a bit, and before I knew it, Enna was kissing me on the lips, and then, in my mouth, using her tongue. I woke up from those dreams, slightly panicking.

The worst, (or best, depending on how you looked at it), dream that I had happened right before Madam Pomfrey woke me up to tell me that it was time for me to go transform. I remember sitting in class in my dream, when suddenly all of the other students disappeared. Then, Enna walked through the door.

The first thing I noticed was that she was soaking wet, which meant that her white shirt was see-through again. I tried my hardest not to stare, but I really couldn't help it. And a part of knew that this was just a dream, so I guess I figured it was okay. But then, Enna started to giggle. I looked up at her in surprise. Enna never giggled, and that's when I realized . . . She knew what I was doing!

That's when she leaned near to me and said, "It's okay, Remmie. You can see them if you want."

I woke up, my heart pounding. And there was a sticky substance underneath me. I was mortified, thinking I had gone to the loo on myself, or something. And Madam Pomfrey was right in the very same room, coming closer to me, saying something about my transformation.

I stared at her, my face turning bright red.

"Come on, Mister Lupin, it's time to go," she said.

I shook my head. There was no way I was moving from this spot. If I got up, she would see that I had done that. And she couldn't see.

"What do you mean, no? We need to go! Now! I let you sleep for as long as possible. Now, let's go!" She was starting to get angry.

"I can't," I whispered, staring down at myself.

"Why not?" she asked, confused. I didn't answer her. How could I? She was starting to get angry again. "Mister Lupin, if you don't tell me this moment – "

"I-I had a dream," I blurted.

Almost immediately, her eyes got round. "Oh!" she said, understanding dawning on her face. She smiled at me. "Well, that's very normal!"

I blinked. Normal? Were we talking about the same thing?

"You're a growing boy, Mister Lupin," she said, nodding. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. Now, lift up."

Feeling slightly less humiliated, I lifted up.

"Scourgify!" she said, whipping her wand out of nowhere, and pointing it to the bed, and me. All at once, I was dry.

"Wh-What was – ?" I started to ask, but she shook her head.

"You've wasted five minutes, already. Let's go," she said, and rushed me out of the hospital wing, locking the door behind her. I had a feeling she hadn't wanted to answer my question.

---

James grinned at me. Sirius grinned at me. Peter smiled confusedly. And I stared at them as if they were insane. "Hello?" I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Congratulations, Remus!" James finally said, reaching over to my hospital bed, and patting me on the back. "You've just experienced your first wet dream!"

I started to blush, realizing that they had probably all gone through this before. Well, probably not Peter, seeing as he still looked confused. "So . . ." I asked, hesitantly. "You all . . . you have dreams like that, too?"

"Mmhmm," Sirius said, absentmindedly. He was picking at the fringe of my blanket. "All the time."

"And it's normal?" I asked.

"Yes," James said, still grinning at me. "It's very normal, so don't worry."

I blushed again. "If you're sure that it's normal . . . then I wouldn't mind having another dream like that . . ." I admitted, quietly, my face flaming.

"Remmie, you're a pervert!" Sirius said, laughing.

"But you just said it's normal!" I protested.

James nudged me. "What exactly happened in your dream, Remus?"

I shook my head, trying to hide my blushing face from them. "I'm not telling," I mumbled.

James and Sirius exchanged identical grins, and I buried my head in my blanket. The day I'd tell them what happened was the day that Enna kissed me for real.

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, everybody. More to come soon.

Ariana S.


	3. Three

Scarred

A/N: I don't even know what to say, except, it's been a while, eh? I don't want to make excuses, I really don't, because I hate it when other writers make excuses, but I feel as if I should anyway . . . I'm a senior this year. High School. Twelfth Grade. That means I'm going to be super busy. That means I'll only write when I have days off . . . which will be very, very rarely, so I'm extremely sorry. I really am. I hated leaving this story, and "Unregistered Animagi" where I left off, but I simply had no time, whatsoever. I've been writing the next chapters bit-by-bit, and finally, I finished this one. (sigh) Again, I'm so sorry. I don't even have time to reply to everyone this time.

So, on with the story, I guess.

Disclaimer: It belongs to J.K. Rowling and the readers' who already shaped Harry's world in their minds before it was put on film.

---

"Remmie, you're a pervert!" Sirius said, laughing.

"But you just said it's normal!" I protested.

James nudged me. "What exactly happened in your dream, Remus?"

I shook my head, trying to hide my blushing face from them. "I'm not telling," I mumbled.

James and Sirius exchanged identical grins, and I buried my head in my blanket. The day I'd tell them what happened was the day that Enna kissed me for real.

---

Three

"Come with me," Enna said, as I stepped out of the hospital wing later that day. I had just come out, and she was leaning against the wall, waiting for, as if she knew I'd been in there.

My first impulse was to say no. Last time I had gone with her, I'd gotten struck by lightning. However, I really couldn't say no to Enna. And it was Friday. I'd been excused from all of my classes, and I really didn't have anything else to do until James, Sirius, and Peter were released from Double Potions.

I sighed. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"There are a hundred and forty two staircases in this school," she said, matter-of-factly.

I blinked. "Have you counted?" I asked, wondering how she could possibly know that.

She just rolled her eyes, and didn't answer me. I didn't know whether that counted as a yes or a no. She led me to a familiar staircase that usually went up to the second floor where the library was located.

"Are we going to the library?" I asked, completely confused, now.

She shook her head. "No. This one goes somewhere different on Fridays."

"Why aren't you in class?" I asked her, the thought just now occurring to me.

She scowled. "Today is Friday, Remmie. I have Herbology on Fridays."

"So?" I replied. "Do you not like that class?"

She started up the staircase, and I had no choice, but to follow her. "I have Herbology with Slytherins," she said, looking down at me.

"Oh," I said. So she just skipped class whenever she had one with the Slytherins? But why? Was she afraid of them, or something? I looked up at her, but she had turned around and resumed climbing the stairs. Silently, I decided that there had to be more to it. Enna didn't seem the type to be afraid of anything.

I ran up the stairs, thanking Merlin that I didn't have on any school robes this time. Instead, I had on pants that were slightly too long, and a jumper. At the top, I stopped and looked around in awe. I had never been in this hallway before. And that staircase seemed like it had been a lot longer, than the two stories it usually was.

"Where are we?" I asked, in a hushed voice.

She didn't answer me, just beckoned for me to follow her down that hallway, up another flight of stairs, and then to a door. She pushed it open, slowly, and then disappeared inside. I followed her, after checking behind me to make sure no one had snuck out of class to follow me, or anything.

She closed the door as soon as I was inside, and I gasped, looking all around us. Three walls, and the ceiling, too, were made entirely of glass. Enna was standing to the side. She appeared to be observing my expression.

"What is this place?" I asked in awe.

"Astronomy Tower," she said, carelessly. "I come up here every Friday, around this time because I know there's no class."

I suddenly stopped breathing all at once. I had heard stories, loads of stories, of older couples sneaking up to the Astronomy Tower to snog at night, and sometimes in the middle of the day, too. Sirius had even bragged about being up here a few times. Is that why Enna had brought me up here? Did she want to . . . snog with me? My heart started pounding fiercely.

I watched her. She had sat down right in front of one of the walls, and was staring out at the sky. Hesitantly, in case she really did want to snog, I walked over and sat right next to her. She pretended not to notice. I scooted a bit closer. She didn't say a word. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She was just staring at the sky with an expression on her face that I couldn't identify.

When she said my name, I jumped. I looked at her to find that she was looking back at me. My heartbeat started up again. "Y-Y-Yes?" I stammered.

"How did it feel . . . when the lightning went through you?" she asked in a soft voice.

I was surprised. "Um, it hurt a lot," I said. "Like . . . like every part of me was on fire."

She tilted her head to one side. "You were glowing, you know," she said. She reached behind me, and touched my back, gently. "It went inside you right around here." It tingled pleasantly where she touched me. "And it came out . . ." she moved her hand around to my front, and touched my chest. ". . . right here."

Images raced around in my head, dirty images. I shivered again and closed my eyes. Why was her hand still there? Why wasn't she moving it? I opened my eyes again, and froze. Her face was directly in front of mine. Her lips were mere inches away.

"Can I see it?" she asked, quietly.

My eyes widened. "S-See w-what?" I asked, starting to breathe a bit faster. She leaned back, and took her hand away from me. The spot felt cold all of a sudden.

She rolled her eyes. "The mark where the lightning went in. Duh," she said. "What did you think I wanted to see?"

I blushed. "N-Nothing," I stammered.

"So, can I see?" she asked, again.

I started to nod when I suddenly stopped. No. No, she most definitely could not. As much as I wanted her to, she couldn't. That lightning scar wasn't the only one that I had. I had millions, some of them fresh from being newly made the night before. I couldn't show her all of those. What if she asked questions? What if she discovered that I was a werewolf, somehow, and she didn't want to be around me, anymore?

"No," I said.

She stared at me. "What do you mean, 'no'? Why not?" she asked, curiously.

I couldn't think of an answer, so I just blushed again.

She smirked at me. "Oh, I get it," she said. "You're embarrassed." I stared at her. "That's right. Sometimes I forget you're still a little kid."

I was burning with humiliation. "Little kid?" I said, hotly. "I'm not a little kid!"

"Look at you! You're blushing!" she said, her voice going sugar sweet.

"I'm not!" I said, my cheeks flaming even as I said it.

"Don't be embarrassed, Remmie," she said, patting my long-sleeved arm. "You're like a little brother to me. Now, lift up your jumper so Big Sister can see."

What!? A little . . . brother? Big Sister? But – But . . . That was all wrong. Numbly I sat, completely unaware of what she was doing. I felt the tears climbing to the surface. Is that really how she thought of me? As a little brother? Well, I suppose I was a year younger than her, but it really wasn't that much of a difference. Maybe, it was too much of a difference for her, though.

I heard her gasp, and my face paled. She had lifted up the back of my jumper. She had seen . . . I twisted away from her, the tears already streaming down my face.

"I said I didn't want you to see!" I screamed. She was staring at me in shock . . . and . . . fear. NO! I didn't want to see that on her face!

I jumped up and ran out of the door. I found the super long staircase, and I didn't stop running until I reached Gryffindor Tower. I hurriedly gave the Fat Lady the password, "Hidden Treasure," and (classes must've been let out, because the tower was full of people) I raced up the boys' staircases to collapse on my bed, crying with everything I had.

"Remus? What's . . . what's the matter?" I heard Peter ask. He would be the only one in the room.

I didn't answer him. I just cried even harder, letting out weeks of pent-up sobs and frustration. Why did I like her the way I did? Why was she the only one who was able to make me feel this way? Why couldn't it have been some other girl . . . some girl in my own year that I was having all of these crazy dreams about?

I heard Peter leaving the room, and barely a minute after that, the door opened again. "Remus! What's the matter with you!?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Sirius!" James hissed. I heard him come over to me. My sobs had lessened some, but I was still crying. I felt like I had an unlimited supply of tears . . . an unlimited supply of pain. I felt a hand on my back. "Remus, buddy, what's wrong?" he asked, quietly.

For some reason, it had sounded better when Sirius said it. I started to cry loudly, again. "E-Enna," I managed to choke out, between sobs.

They were quiet. "What did she do?" Sirius asked after a moment.

I didn't want to tell them about the scar incident, so I didn't. "She-She called me her . . . her little br-brother," I said, feeling embarrassed. My head was buried in the pillow, and I knew that my voice probably sounded muffled to them.

They didn't say anything, so I knew they heard me. After a moment, or two, I lifted up and looked at them. They were giving me sympathetic looks. Sirius looked uncomfortable. "Well, it was bound to happen, right?" he said, trying to smile, but not quite making it. "After all, she's older than you, isn't she?"

"It's never happened to you," I sniffed. "And you date girls older than you all the time."

Sirius turned crimson. "Well, um . . ."

James grinned. "Remus, friendship lasts longer than relationships do, anyway," he said. "You should look at it in a good way. How long has Sirius's longest relationship lasted?"

"B-But it's different," I said, as Sirius scowled at James.

"How so?" James asked.

"I . . . I think I love her." As I said those words, and they stared at me in shock, I started to realize that they were true. I barely knew this girl, and every time I saw her, she caused me some kind of pain, but still . . .

I loved her.

---

I didn't see Enna the day after that, or the next, and I wasn't surprised. I didn't expect to see her. Enna appeared when she wanted to. When a whole month went by without me seeing her once, I started to accept that maybe she just didn't want to see me anymore. I didn't like it, but really, what could I do? If I ever saw her again, she would want an explanation, and I didn't think that was something I could give.

One Friday afternoon, I was sitting in Double Potions daydreaming about the weekend ahead. It was a Hogsmeade weekend. Vaguely, I wondered if Enna liked Hogsmeade. I silently chastised myself for thinking about her. And her too-big-lips, and her very, very small nose . . . She was probably in the Astronomy Tower right now, avoiding Herbology with the Slytherins . . .

I suddenly gasped aloud. She was in the Astronomy Tower!

"Mister Lupin, are you all right?" aging Professor Kipernickle asked me from the front of the room.

I turned red. I hadn't realized I'd be quite so loud. But . . . maybe if I played my cards right . . . "Professor, I-I actually feel a bit sick," I avoided my friends' questioning stares as I said this. They would immediately know I was lying.

"Would you like to go to the Hospital Wing, Mister Lupin?" the teacher asked, giving me a concerned look.

"We'll take him!" Sirius and James chorused.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I-I mean . . . I can go alone. It's alright."

"Well, by all means, go then. And take your things. Class won't last much longer," the professor said.

I gathered my things, stuffing them haphazardly into my bag. I had to hurry. What if she left before I got there? I walked out of the classroom swiftly, and as soon as I set foot in the hall, I took off at a run.

I went to the first floor, and sprinted over to the staircase that would normally take me to the library. Hitching my robes up, I took the stairs two at a time. By the time I got to the top, I was breathing very heavily.

I stopped to catch my breath and took in my surroundings. My heart started pounding. This was definitely the same corridor. I followed it, the same as before, and found the second staircase. I walked up, my feet feeling heavier with each step. What if she didn't want to see me? What if she had decided that she didn't like me anymore? What if . . . she had someone else in the tower? I swallowed, forcing myself to forget about that last one.

She wouldn't. She couldn't. Enna didn't like people, remember? I tried hard to convince myself, and all too soon I was at the Astronomy Tower door. I hesitated. What if she had calculated wrong, and there was a class inside, or something? I'd really look like an idiot then.

My heart was hammering in my chest. I lifted a shaky hand to the door, and pushed it open. Color splashed into my cheeks as I caught sight of her. She was laying face up, staring at the sky, through the glass ceiling.

"You're supposed to be in class," she said before I had a chance to even close the door. So she knew it was me, then.

"Hi, Enna," I said.

"I wondered how long it would take you," she said, going on as if I hadn't even spoken. "You took a long time. I was about to give up."

I was beginning to wonder if she was talking to me, or someone else that I couldn't see, when she turned and looked at me. I felt my breath catch. "Why did you take so long to come back?" she asked.

"I-I just remembered that you said . . . that you come up here every Friday," I admitted, suddenly realizing that she had let that slip intentionally. So she had wanted me to find her!

She shook her head. "You're an awfully slow one, aren't you?" A part of me felt insulted, but mostly, I didn't much care. "Come lay down," she said, patting a spot on the floor, next to where she was.

Slowly, I walked over there, and lay down next to her. Our shoulders were a fraction of an inch away from each other's. I wished my shoulders were broader, so that one of them would be touching hers.

For the longest time we lay there, not touching each other, just staring up at the sky.

---

"I should go," I said, sitting up. She sat up, too.

"Where?" she asked.

"To dinner," I said, as though it were obvious. "Are you coming?"

She shook her head. "No, Remmie. I don't eat around them."

"Who?" I asked, confusedly.

"The Slytherins," she said, impatiently. A tinge of red highlighted her cheeks.

For a long moment, I just stared at her. She was frowning, her tiny nose scrunched up, and her eyes on the approaching sunset. She looked beautiful. She turned to me as if she could sense my eyes on her.

"Remmie . . . can I see them?" she asked, staring into my eyes.

I blushed, knowing somehow that she was talking about my scars. I started to shake my head, no, but then . . . really, what was the worst that could happen? She could be disgusted, but she was the one who had asked to see them. It wasn't as if I begged her to look at them. Hesitating, I began to lift my shirt over my head. She didn't move, and as I gained more confidence, I pulled my shirt completely off, blushing the entire time.

At first, Enna just stared, a strange look crossing over her face. Her gaze traveled upwards until she locked her eyes on mine.

"You hurt yourself," she whispered, a look of pain in her eyes. I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself, even though I knew that it wasn't my fault.

She lowered her eyes back to my scars, and then reached a hand out. I watched, disbelievingly, as her hand inched forwards to my body. The moment she touched my chest, I sucked in a breath in surprise. Her hands were cool in contrast to my body temperature. I was burning up.

"Wh-What are you doing?" I managed to stammer.

She looked up at me again, that same look of pain in her eyes as before. Then she said simply, "I'm going to make the pain go away."

Enna then did something that I never would have expected from anyone. She leaned down and pressed her lips gently on one of my scars. I sat there frozen as she proceeded to kiss every visible scar on my chest. When she was done, she crawled around me, and began to kiss all of the scars on my back as well.

When she finished, she came back around to my front, looked me in the eyes, and smirked. "Did big sister make it feel all better?"

What I did next, I can't say I did with all my wits about me. My head was still spinning from the contact of her lips to my body. I was completely on fire, and I needed her to extinguish it.

So I leaned forward, and I kissed her softly on the lips.

---

I lay in bed that night staring up at the ceiling, and thinking. I hadn't said a word to the other guys all evening. In fact, I hadn't even eaten dinner, or anything. After I kissed Enna, I ran, not bothering to wait for her reaction, and I didn't stop until I had reached the dorm. This running thing was starting to become a habit, I noticed.

The other guys didn't bother me. They must have figured that I had another "fight" with her, or something. I sighed. I wish I hadn't run. I wanted to see the look on her face, but what if . . . what if she rejected me, or something?

I was her "little brother." I scowled. Didn't she understand? I didn't want to be her little brother. I wanted to be her . . . something else.

I turned over and buried my head in my pillow, trying to forget about her.

It didn't work.

---

I was quiet the next morning, and I must have been really bothering the other guys with my silence because all through breakfast, they were giving me concerned looks.

"Remus, is anything wrong?" James finally asked, as we all lined up to wait for the carriages with the invisible horses to take us to Hogsmeade.

It was supposed to be our "first" weekend as third years, but the four of us had been a few times before. Sirius had found this secret passage leading to Zonko's Joke Shop in our second week of being first years. Although, he never told us how he managed to come upon it, we figured he was probably up to no good.

I gave James a small smile. "Fine," I said.

"Do you not want to go?" Peter asked. I shook my head.

"Is it that time of the month?" Sirius whispered, trying to hide a grin.

I shook my head, somewhat amused. That whole "time of the month" thing was a long-standing joke between us. "I'm just . . . not sure if I want to go," I said, watching the carriages pull up in a line.

They all stared at me as if I were crazy. "But, Remmie!" Sirius whined. "This is our first time that we're actually allowed to go!"

"Shh, Sirius," James said, glancing around to see if anyone had heard us.

"But I've already seen it all before," I pointed out.

"Oh, come on, Remmie! It'll be fun!" Sirius said, tugging at my arm.

"No," I said, extracting my arm from his grasp. "I think I'll just stay here. I'll see you when you get back, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, looking disappointed.

I nodded. "I'm positive. You go. You'll have fun without me."

"We'll bring you loads of dungbombs," James promised, ruffling my hair.

"Bye, Remus!" Peter said, cheerfully. I waved at them all, and then headed back up towards the school. I sighed as I saw them off. How could even begin to enjoy myself, when my head was full of Enna?

Dejectedly, I turned slowly and walked back inside, then I began to walk with no real sense of direction. I stared at the ground as I walked. I knew I probably looked like the poster child for depression. I glanced up, and realized that my feet had taken me to that staircase.

I shook my head. "It wouldn't work, Remus," I told myself. "It only works on Fridays, remember?" Still, my feet insisted that I climb the staircase, so I did. I stopped at the landing, and was disappointed to find that I was indeed at the library.

'Well, as long as I'm here . . .' I thought. I straightened up and walked through the library doors, knowing that Madam Pince didn't like slouchers. If she saw me slouching, she would probably figure that I was up to no good.

I walked back to my favorite table and selected a random book. I just needed something to pass the time, and help me forget about her. About Enna.

---

A/N: tell me what you think. I know, it's probably different from how I usually write, but I haven't done this in a while, so be honest . . . I promise I won't bite your head off. lol.

Ariana S.


	4. Four

Scarred

Disclaimer: It belongs to J.K. Rowling and the readers' who already shaped Harry's world in their minds before it was put on film.

---

I shook my head. "It wouldn't work, Remus," I told myself. "It only works on Fridays, remember?" Still, my feet insisted that I climb the staircase, so I did. I stopped at the landing, and was nevertheless disappointed to find that I was in fact near the library.

I walked back to my favorite table and selected a random book. I just needed something to pass the time, and help me forget about her. About Enna.

---

James and Sirius did indeed bring some dungbombs back, as they demonstrated that night in the common room. People were running out of the room, holding their noses, and cursing. The sight might have been funny, had it not been for the fact that my nose was extra sensitive, and I was among the runners and cursers.

"That was great," Sirius breathed as we rounded a hallway, taking us away from the common room. He and James were laughing.

"I know!" James said. "Did you see the looks on their faces?"

Peter grimaced. "Dungbombs really smell bad, though," he whined.

"That's the fun of it!" Sirius sighed, happily.

I rolled my eyes. "For you, maybe," I muttered

Sirius's eyes went round. "Oh! Oops! Sorry, Remmie," he ruffled my hair, the same way James had done earlier. I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter, now."

"So, you heard anything about Julienna?" James asked in a would-be casual voice.

I tilted my head to the side. "Why?" I asked, trying to mimick his tone.

He shrugged, and avoided my eyes. "Just wondering."

I glanced at Sirius and Peter. If James was up to anything, their face expressions usually gave it away. James had an excellent poker face. Sirius did not, and Peter was just plain hopeless. However, Sirius and Peter weren't paying the slightest bit of attention to us. They were still laughing over the dungbombs.

I hesitated. "Well . . . I saw her yesterday," I said.

"During class?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. I nodded, tentatively. "I knew it! I knew you weren't sick!"

I grinned, sheepishly. "No, not sick."

"Well, what happened?" James asked. I noticed that we had come to the front doors. He pushed it, and held it open for me while I strolled through. Sirius and Peter were ahead and on their way to the tree we usually sat under. I saw that a lot of other angry looking Gryffindors were outside as well.

I went scarlet remember just exactly what had happened. "I kissed her," I whispered.

James stopped short. "What she your first?" he asked. I nodded, blushing even worse. He grinned. "Go, Remus!" He reached out to ruffle my hair again, but I ducked away from his hand. He and Sirius really had a bad habit of doing that.

"Well, what did she do?" he asked, settling down under the tree. He leaned his back against it, and looked up at me expectantly.

I sat down beside him, and played with a blade of grass. "I dunno what she did," I muttered. "I left after that."

"You ran away, didn't you?" James teased. I nodded again. He burst out laughing. "That's great!"

I sighed. "I dunno," I said, again. "What if she didn't like it?"

"Well, you didn't give her a chance to decide, now did you?" James said, laughing again.

I grinned, embarrassed. "No, I guess not."

"So, what now?" James asked me.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Should I try to find her? Or should I let her come to me? What if she doesn't come to me?"

"You just have to wait and see if she'll come to you," James said. "Don't go looking for her, though. That'll make you seem desperate. It just happened yesterday, right? So give her about three days for the shock to wear off. If she still doesn't come to you, then that's when you go after her."

He sounded so sure of himself that I believed him. He did have experience in this subject after all, and I really had no desire to ask Sirius. Who knew with him when it came to girls?

I smiled. "Thanks, James."

"No problem. If you're becoming a manly man like me, then I should help you in every way I can," he said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind."

---

I waited like he said, and by Tuesday (exactly three days later), I hadn't seen Enna. I slumped in Charms. I should have expected this. In fact, if she had come around, I would've been surprised. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have been. Enna came and went as she pleased.

I was worried more than usual this time, though. What if she wasn't coming to see me because she was disgusted by the kiss, or something? She had called me her little brother after all. What if she considered it a weird kind of incest? Of course, we weren't really related, but Enna was hard to figure out. She was very sarcastic, and that always made it really hard to tell if she was joking or not.

By the time classes were over, I was scared to death. What if she never wanted to see me again? I couldn't handle that. I didn't want to handle that.

Face set and pale, I strode in the direction of the Great Hall. I didn't even bother dropping my things off in the common room, first, because I doubted I'd be eating dinner tonight, anyways. Taking a deep breath, I stalked over to the Ravenclaw table, and cleared my throat.

Three girls, who were all older than me, stopped talking abruptly and turned to me, amusement and annoyance dancing on their features.

"Yes?" one of them asked, eyebrows raised.

I swallowed. I could do this. Just because they were older, had a sort of elegant look to them, and obviously smart, being in Ravenclaw and all, didn't make them any less human.

"Umm . . ." I swallowed again.

"He looks like he wants to ask you on a date, Trisha," one of them tittered. Her friend laughed, but the one who was looking at me raised her eyebrows even higher, if that was possible.

"YES?" she said, more impatiently, this time.

"I-I was . . . uh . . .do, um, do you kn-know Enna? I mean . . . Julienna?" I felt so stupid.

The girl tapped a finger on her chin, while her two friends giggled. "Julienna . . . hm . . . do you think you could describe her?" She gave me an inquiring look.

I wasn't sure if she was joking or not, but she seemed serious enough . . . even if her friends weren't. I felt my confidence boost up a notch. Maybe she could help me.

"She's . . . a fourth year," I said. "About my height, though. Her eyes, um, they're green. Really pale, too. And she's . . . uh, her hair is dirty blonde – "

"Wait, you mean Julienna Erwynde?" one of her friends interrupted. "The elf girl?"

Elf girl? I stared at her.

"Does she have a super small nose, and pointy ears?" the girl continued. Her eyes flashed with recognition. "That's who you're talking about, isn't it?"

I nodded, not liking the look in her eyes. "I think so." Enna didn't have pointy ears, did she? It occurred to me that I had never seen her ears. She always had her hair pulled down over them.

"So, elf girl has a boyfriend, does she?" the first girl, Trisha, said, smiling. I didn't like her smile. They were all smiling now.

"How . . . interesting," the one who had stayed silent, said. They all started to laugh.

My ears were burning. "I'm not . . . I'm not her boyfriend."

"Haha, sure you're not. Hey, look guys!" Trisha called to some seventh year Ravenclaws who had just arrived. "Elf girl couldn't find anyone to match her intelligence, so she had to go for height!" Everyone burst into laughter.

My face was flaming. I backed away, their loud laughter ringing in my ears. I turned and headed for those huge double doors. No wonder Enna never wanted to go to class. If I was going to be mocked like that everyday, I wouldn't want to go to class, either.

I felt myself starting to feel sorry for her. No wonder Enna was the way she was. She was more of a shadow, than a person. And Elven . . . she was part Elven, too. No wonder she had adjusted to my other state so easily. She had probably sensed all along that I wasn't human.

I sighed. Poor Enna . . . I headed toward the common room, my head heavy, and my heart full. If I loved her before . . . it was nothing compared to the way I felt now.

---

By the next day, it was all over the school that "elf girl" was dating someone a year younger than her, and someone in another house. No one knew that the someone was me, though. Sirius and James had figured it out, of course, but Peter remained blissfully clueless.

Needless to say, the week crept by very slowly. Friday really couldn't come fast enough for me. It was the day I'd finally get to see Enna, for she had stayed painfully distant this whole week. I was antsy in my last class, knowing I couldn't very well use the whole "I feel sick" excuse again.

When the bell rang, I jumped up, and was the first person out of the class, ignoring James's and Sirius's surprised shouts of, "Hey! Where you going?" and "Wait up, Remmie!"

I raced up that staircase, rounded those corners, climbed the tiny staircase, and burst into the Astronomy Tower. "Enna!" I breathed.

She was laying there, staring up at the ceiling. She hadn't even jumped when I'd come in. And she didn't say anything.

I suddenly felt embarrassed. I dropped my things off near the door, and sat down beside her. "Hi," I said, heat flushing my face as I remembered the kiss.

She wasn't answering me. I bit my lip nervously. "Enna . . . are you mad at me?"

She took a deep breath and sat up. "What exactly did you tell them, Remmie?" she asked, her voice low.

I blinked, feeling a little stunned. "Who?" I asked.

"Who do you think you are?" she said, her voice as cold as ice, and her eyes even colder. "You kiss me, then run off and tell the whole school that you're my boyfriend?"

"I-I – " I stammered.

"Bet they thought it was funny, too! Didn't they?" Enna sneered. "Do you know what they call me, Remmie? Huh? Well, look!" She yanked her hair back so hard that it made me wince. Then my eyes widened in surprise.

Her ears were pointed at the top.

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "Elf girl," she said, quietly, but with the same amount of venom. "They call me, elf girl, because that's what I am. My mother is a pureblood elf and my father is a wizard. I'm half elven, Remmie."

For the first time ever, I saw tears well up in her eyes.

"That's why I'm the way I am," she said, trying to blink them back, and not succeeding. "I have to be tough. I have to not care because I'm not human, Remmie. Elves aren't human!"

Impulsively, I ran up to her and hugged her around the waist. "Don't say that," I mumbled, burrowing my head into her shoulder. "Don't say that."

She uncrossed her arms and put her hands down at her sides, balling them into fists. "Well, it's true," she said, defiantly. "It's true."

I pulled away from her, my heart beating rapidly. Tears were splashing down her cheeks, and her eyes were closed. That's when I saw it. She had scars, too.

Without even thinking, I leaned forward, took the tip of my tongue, and proceeded to lick her tears from her cheeks. She opened her eyes, surprise and confusion written all over her face.

"What are you - ?" she started to ask, but I interrupted her.

"Shhh," I said. "I'm going to make the pain go away."

The expression that crossed her face, then, was priceless. Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at me, wonder flittering across her features.

I could feel my face starting to heat up. "You're . . . crazy, you know," I said, "and wild, mental sometimes . . ."

She just continued to look at me. I don't think she had anything to say, for once.

" . . . and you're bloody amazing," I finished, letting out this rush of air.

She paused, then smirked. "Remmie, you just cursed," she pointed out.

I glared at her. "I just told you all of that . . . and all you can say is, 'Remmie, you just cursed'?" I folded my arms across my chest. She made me so angry sometimes.

She suddenly laughed, and reached out, pulling me into a hug. "I love you, too, Remmie," she whispered.

My eyes widened. Enna just . . . I hardly dared to breathe. Did she really just say what I . . . No. No, she wouldn't. It had to be some sort of dream.

But as she held me, I slowly wrapped my arms around her to rest my hands on the small of her back, and I dared to believe . . . that maybe . . . just maybe . . . this could work.

---

I vowed to help Enna. And I did. It didn't happen immediately, but gradually . . . Enna started to step out of the shadows. She started to go to classes, all of her classes, and I could tell she was beginning to enjoy herself. She even sat in the Great Hall once or twice. She sat at the Gryffindor table, not the Ravenclaw one, but at least she was there. (And I preferred it that way, anyway.)

The next Hogsmeade weekend was right before a full moon. I wasn't sure if I was feeling up to it, but I really wanted to go this time. I had to go. Enna had promised to go with me.

"Remmie, if you feel bad . . ."

"No!" I insisted. "You said you would go, and I want to go with you this time."

"Remmie – "

"I'm going, Enna," I said, jutting out my lower lip in a pout. "Don't try to talk me out of it."

She sighed. "Merlin, you are such a stubborn baby, sometimes."

I grinned. It was on a rare occasion that I got my way with her, especially when it concerned my health. Normally, I didn't mind it, though. I learned that this was her way of saying that she cared. And that she . . . loved me.

I looked over at her and smiled. Her hand was so tiny in mine. We walked along slowly, mostly because she was complaining that it was cold, but also because I knew she was worried about me.

"I'm fine, you know," I said, when I caught her shooting a concerned glance my way.

She glowered. "You are not. Baby."

I grinned, then spun her around and kissed her on the forehead. She fought to get out of my grasp, angry at the fact that I was a lot stronger than her. When I finally released her, she took a swipe at my chest.

"Hmmph!" she said. "Now you owe me a butterbeer."

"If that's what you want," I said, shrugging.

"Oh? Is there something better you can offer me?" she retorted, smirking.

I blushed. "No," I said, shortly. I hated it when she teased me like this. Hated it . . . and secretly liked it at the same time. Merlin. I was such a pervert when it came to her.

"You know, I think there is," she said, thoughtfully. Her eyes suddenly lit up, and my stomach sank. I knew that look.

"Enna . . ." I said, wearily. It was her, "come with me" look. And sure enough . . .

"Come with me," she said, excitedly. She held out a hand.

"Where?" I said, taking her hand. Because wherever she went, I'd follow. And she knew it. She didn't answer me, and I sighed, already knowing she was going to get me into some kind of trouble, or danger, like she usually did. However . . .

I followed her, whether I was stupid to do so or not. I didn't even ask myself if I was making a mistake. I just held her hand. And followed her.

Because I loved her.

---

Ariana S.


End file.
